shubear88

Well, lately I've been feeling kinda lonely. I get into these moods every once in a while. I'm nearing the end of my internship and I have no clue what the future holds :/ There are no potential boyfriends either.. .___. And the ONE person I do like says he's still looking for "the one"!!! I have to admit that's a bit crushing..yes, I know there are a million reasons why he could have said that..We're too far apart..etc. And it's not like I wouldn't date someone here if I had the opportunity or the interest..but somewhere in the back of my mind..I think I'll always be in love with him..Though with what keeps happening..I'll never be able to confess. It's so depressing..that I'm not even on his radar!!! ;___________; Why do I even bother with love? Why did I fall for him after all these years? Ughhh... -____-;;; And no, Carrie Underwood..I will NEVER have my "ever ever after" .____. ... あたま が いたい です よ........おやすみ

That song has been stuck in my head all day for some reason. I mean, it's pretty, but sometimes the lady's voice gets kinda ugly. Recently things have been pretty calm and boring at home. My parents went to Hilton Head for the weekend and I'm not sure when they're coming back. My brother went to a conference and is supposed to come back today, but I still haven't heard from him so I'm starting to get a little worried. So..it's just been me and my grandpa for a little bit. I have been so swamped with homework though, I'm getting a lot accomplished with a quiet house. I still have a lot of reading to do for all of my classes though. It gets kinda overwhelming sometimes. I have big projects that I have to figure out how to do with a partner (or multiple partners.) I've definitely hit the ground running this semester. My grandpa has been teaching me how to drive stick shift in between my homework sessions. I did a lot better today, but it's so hard figuring out the clutch and the amount of gas to use without stalling out~! Ugh..

Other than that, I have begun to learn things about life. I can't keep letting people get to me so much. It has so many negative affects on my mental health and I can't take that much stress right now. I have to move on and get stronger and take things a step at a time. I don't even like looking into the future right now since so many things are looming over my head, including my sister's wedding! Ahh...I had such a terrible dream the other day where I was at her wedding, but I was out in the audience and I was crying because this is the final goodbye~! That definitely put me in a sad mood for the majority of the day...but alas, I have to get strongerrrr! But it is kinda extra lonely right now. I'm getting along fine with my grandpa though. He's usually pretty quiet though so I feel like I keep talking about the same things over and over since I don't know what to talk about with him. It'll be nice to go to school tomorrow. I had a magical dream last night though..of course involving a beautiful tree. This tree had branches covered with all kinds of flowers and I was able to hover off the ground (float) all the way to the top and touch the leaves and petals. I also saw a bunch of butterflies that were hiding behind the flowers and it was just really incredibly gorgeous! I frequently have dreams about beautiful trees and another one that I had was about a beautiful rose tree that was growing under water <3 Ah..I can make up such beautiful things in my sleep :3Anyway, with that, おやすみ :)

                      

Ahh..I'm in love with Kuroshitsuji (well Sebastian) again. I watched the first episode of Kuroshitsuji II the other day and I am soooo excited! I can't believe Sebbie's back! <3 <3 But I really don't like Alois..He scares the pants off of me..and it's a shame that he's so cute. I sympathize with him a little, so there's a possibility that he'll win me over, but it's very slim. I also LOVE the opening and ending songs. They're just epic. I can't wait to see more <3  I'm so pumped for the new season! <3 I even started watching the Kuroshitsuji musical XD Sebastian's voice is so high, it's funny...Ciel's voice is deeper XD

  On to other news~ I passed the GKT! It feels sooo wonderful to have that out of my hair. I still have to wait for my official scores though and my essay score. But I don't really care if I don't pass my essay. That'll be the only part I have to retake and that's fine with me <3 I also have a TON of family visiting..but they're all coming at different times. I know the first group comes on the 18th..and then more on the 19th or 20th and then more on the 22nd or 23rd? I don't even know. I can never keep track of it all. But it SUCKS. There is not enough space for all of us to sleep and I don't do well on the floor! They're staying for a week and I have a feeling I won't get much sleep. Hello allergy medicine (that I'm taking currently to sleep too) Ugh..sleep is a problem for me. And on top of that, my mom wants me to go back up to Georgia with her when they leave. I'm totally not looking forward to that. I have to start thinking about school...it's in a little over a month now...and I haven't gotten one textbook But anyway, I still have a baby mockingbird that my dad rescued a while ago. He's so bratty, but I love him! We tried to release him today, but his mother ended up pushing him out of a tree and attacked him like he was an enemy~! And on top of that, a mean old grackle was ready to kick him out of the yard too and then my neighbor's cat wanted to get him as well! So many enemies! So, we're stuck with him again, but I don't mind. We have to get him to learn to eat on his own...so we're gonna start with meal worms. My dad usually lets him sit outside with him while he does yard work, but the other day, he flew away into another person's yard and I had to sit outside for 3 hours in order to get him to come back..it was really annoying. But at least he's safe. I'm happy about that. I want to name him Sebbie, but I don't think anyone else wants to call him that XD Oh well..he's my baby <3 Hmm...I'm not sure anything else is going on in my life right now...So I think I'm gonna call it a night! Oyasumi!! <3